Aditi’s smile has always been an assurance to me. So when she said, ‘its ok’, I believed it. I had always believed what she said to me. Whatever, that be. But I knew that I had committed a blunder and I had to rectify it. I had to be clear and make others also clear what I felt for Sana.
That afternoon, Navjyot and I sat beside each other on the stairs, looking away at a group of kids playing football in the playground. After a silence that seemed to last almost forever, he said the words that made me proud of being his friend.
‘You know what Harshit, just because I’m your friend, doesn’t mean I’ll overlook your mistakes. But I can never leave you alone in turmoil; even if it meant that I should be a part of it. I would never remember what mistakes you have made, but how many of them you rectified. If I’m partner to your crime, the least I expect of you is to understand the wrong and do what’s right.’
I felt his words, but couldn’t gather the courage to face him. Gazing at a yonder point I simply said, “Navjyot, I know I screwed it. I really feel bad about it…. I even talked to Aditi, but she said she’s fine with what she saw that day. Maybe, she is bit more open minded than both of us. Maybe, she actually didn’t feel anything.”
‘Dude, Aditi might not have acted that you have hurt her; maybe, because she hasn’t yet said ‘yes’ to your proposal and feels that she doesn’t have the right to object your sudden outburst of attraction to Sana. But what you are forgetting is that she is a friend – and a girl. She would not only feel betrayed that she had to see her prospective ‘boyfriend’ in such awkward situation, but she will also be hurt ‘coz you, ‘her friend’, never-ever told her anything about such an attraction… … The point is not what she or anyone, including me, think about you. The point is that you understand what you feel for Sana. Talk to yourself; no one better holds the right answer. But let me assure you mate, I’ll always be there for you, whatever your decision be.’
I had no words to reply. I have been overlooking and arguing my case unnecessarily. “You are right, what I did wasn’t expected of a friend. I’ll correct that mistake, today itself.”
Sana was sitting surrounded by her friends in the last few benches. For a second I looked around to see if Aditi was somewhere near. Thankfully, she wasn’t in the class. I went to the group of girls sitting with Sana. The giggles and gossips hit a sudden break as one of the girls saw me approaching towards them.
My forehead was sweating, and my voice a bit shaky. Looking at her I asked “can I talk to you for a second?”
“Ya, sure. We can talk here; any problems with that?”
‘Er… not here. Perhaps, auditorium will be fine. I’ll be waiting for ya.’ And I left the scene.
Sana had a very expressive face. Although it wasn’t something she did deliberately, but all the ‘wrong expressions’ always appeared on her face betraying her will at the wrong time. Unlike me, she hardly had any control on her facial expressions.
I was waiting at the first floor exit of the auditorium, which we fondly called ‘audi’. Sana came in after a few minutes of the recess bell. Her demeanour had typical traces of the Suraj Barjatya movies. Her head hung in embarrassment, her fingers twined with each other; her voice was definitely getting feeble as she got closer to the place I was standing.
After minutes of silence she finally spoke, “Why is that you have called me here? You wanted to say something?”
“Oh yes…er…I don’t know how to begin this…its sort of embarrassing… but…see may be you won’t like what I am going to ask you… many girls don’t… you know what I am saying..” she just kept her eyes on the ground.
I continued, “…see …Sana you are a very great girl….and beautiful indeed…you would always have an image of your dream boy…but…though my friends say I should ask you this…but… … Why did you reject Bhuvan’s offer? He is a great guy.”
Her head sprung back and she looked at me with blended emotions of confusion, disgust, embarrassment and anger. ‘THIS is what you wanted to ask?… This? … …You could have asked the same in the class… when you came up to me…. why the audi?‘
“Well… I didn’t want others to know about this…and also, I didn’t know how you would react. “
“Harshit, you are impossible… … you are an ass… in fact, calling you an ass is an understatement… …huh” and she left the place stomping and grunting with anger.
As she vanished from my sight, I burst out into laughter that continued till I reached my class on the third floor. The classroom filled with laughter as the zodiac dragons came to know about the prank. Even Sana’s friends didn’t let her escape from their bit of teasing. All the while Navjyot gave me a smile and gestured me to meet him in the corridor.
‘I don’t think that was such a great idea, ‘he said.
“What do you mean? I asked. “I did that to know whether she had any feelings for me… I bet she was expecting me to propose her…… I guess she does have some weird sort of attraction hidden deep inside her heart……….. And yes…. …. she and the class now know that I don’t have any feelings for her. Otherwise, why would I play such a prank on her? Why would I ask her about Bhuvan? I think it was great plan!”
‘That isn’t what actually bothers me. What does is that why you even want to know what Sana feels for you,’ he said.
He took a pause, and continued, “this was never about her, it was always about you. What if, people think that you wanted to propose her but got cold feet in the last moment? What if Aditi learns of it? I know that she hasn’t yet given you the answer you seek from her. I don’t know whether she even has the answer. Neither do I know what her answer is, but definitely, you are giving her too many questions.’
I simply stood there listening to him, his words. They sounded different, very different. As if it was not the Navjyot I knew; the stupid, funny surd, who always, made a fool out of himself and ended up making me and Aditi roll on the floor laughing. He was silent, composed and pensive. And suddenly, it became clear to me why he was different.
In fact, that day I happened to meet the real Navjyot. One, who thought with maturity, spoke wisely, and was hurt. When in pain you speak from you heart, the sobs that run down your cheeks spring from your heart.
That day I realised that it wasn’t about me, Sana, or even Aditi. It was about my friend. He was the one who was hurt. Even more than Aditi; and I was busy trying to mend things with her. I realised that day, Navjyot wasn’t a stupid moron; I was.
All the while I was acting smart; I was actually being stupid… or rather in Sana’s words – an ass. I was no more bothered about what other might say or feel about the whole issue, not even Aditi. I didn’t care that my idea might backfire.
I had earned a true friend that day. One who warns you before you take a wrong step, helps you when you are about to fall, but never hinders your journey, because he understands that you need to take a step to start the journey. Even if you falter, he’s there beside you cheering, and encouraging you to take another step; guide you through to the end.
That day, I returned home smiling because that day my friend had grown up… or should I say… that day, I found a real friend.
