The Diary Of A Teenager: Part 22 – An Indelible Day

The worst part of being branded as a flirt is that your every actions seems to emit a dark cloud of charges and suspicion, even when your intentions are nowhere close to perimeter of flirting with someone.

It was a beautiful Wednesday morning, with light lusty winds blowing through the clouded sky. Sitting near the window seat of my school bus, I wished, if it would rain. If I could see Aditi slightly wet in her uniform, with her beautiful black hair wet from the downpour. By the time we reached the school gate the winds had certainly listened to me and it started to drizzle. It was really beautiful. The leaves of the trees around the school were dripping; the roads were carpeted with yellow petals of the kanikonna flower and pale old leaves that the winds had arranged as though it were to welcome her; for I could not imagine none other appropriate than her to be welcomed as such.

It has been a week since I have been having small-small constant tiffs with Sana. However, if you ask me we shared a love-hate relationship. May be, ‘hate’ is too extreme, but yes, ‘dislike’ won’t be a bad replacement. People often ask me what I felt for Sana, or what she felt for me. The only answer I have for them is that sometimes some relations are better if not named. No denial that she is a friend but sometimes there have been times when I felt that she was attracted to me; and most of the time she suspected that I felt for her.

Sana has always acted as ‘Princess Sana’; always filled with vanity. It irked me whenever I saw her getting too obsessed with herself. But I have to admit, she wasn’t the only girl in my school who had this annoying habit. As you go up the ladder of the ‘Best’ schools in New Delhi, you would find that around a good majority of the girls in the higher secondary level would be no different from Sana.

Sana was always a great friend to play prank on. I loved to tease her. As I had already mentioned earlier, the school was filled with rumours that ‘me and Sana are going around; or at least we both secretly wanted it to happen.’ Neither me, nor she, was happy about this. My friends always told me that they had seen those vibes from her whenever she was talking to me. They used to say that Sana never accepted defeats in front of anyone, except me. I always brushed it off calling it mere coincidence.

I had a classmate called Bhuvan. He was the one who introduced me to the basics of voyeurism; in fact, for many of us in the class he was the one who first narrated the story of an adult film. He, if the rumours are to be believed, had proposed Sana in 8^th grade; but Sana refused the ‘offer’. I wonder why people call it an offer. The word ‘offer’ somehow I feel gives this beautiful feeling a corporate connotation. Anyways moving on…

Bhuvan even had once asked me if I really had any feelings for Sana. The relation (I always thought it to be) between Aditi and me was something that people thought was unidirectional. People thought I was stalking her, and she was just being sweet to me, just ‘coz she didn’t want to lose a friend. I told him that I wasn’t attracted to Sana.

It had been a week since I had last seen Aditi. She was on a leave. And since it was a strict no-no to call her when she is at home, until she had given the permission…I had no other option, but to wait for a communication from her side.

I and Navjyot were waiting in the empty class for all the others to arrive. It was when it happened.

Sana entered the class with her dripping, slightly curly hair. As she passed by us, her fragrance filled my nostrils. I looked at Navjyot, he gave me a big oh-my- god-she’s-hot kind of look. She was really in a very good mood that day, perhaps the effect of the romantic weather. As she passed me, I stretched my hand to her and asked her for a dance. I didn’t realise why I did that, but somewhere, I wanted to do that.

There’s this very befuddling comfort level we share that though, we (me and Sana), both hate to admit existed from a very long time. Sana didn’t refuse; she moved closer to me. It was different, unplanned. I never wanted Sana to be the girl I first hold in my arms. It has always been that special one I always dreamed about.

Navjyot slowly got up from his place and closed the door, but didn’t lock it to avoid any sort of suspicion.  May be, he would not have been willingly agreeing to my actions; but he always had stood beside me, even when he could have easily avoided being a part of.

I tried to get my hands on her hips, my heart started to pound at a faster pace. Something in me said it wasn’t the right thing to do. On the other hand, it was like a love-story moment, I wanted to hold her. I was confused, seeing my slightly pale face and trembling hands, Sana mocked, “You are nervous like a girl!”

Her mocking was sort of an encouragement for me, breaking away the tug of war. I placed my hands on her hips and softly held her right hand with my left. She didn’t show any sort of discomfort that I had predicted, and placed her hands on my shoulder.  I had danced with girls in parties, with hardly any romance brimming in your heart, it was always plain fun. But this was different; I don’t know whether it was romance, love, lust or whatever, but yes I wanted to move but my legs were glued to the damn floor.

I took a deep breath and held her a bit more tightly and as I was about to move, the door opened with a thud. The voice made us jolt and we moved away with awkward expressions. But when I looked at the door, to my horror, the awkwardness was about to turn into embarrassment and repent. Aditi stood at the door with a confused look on her face.

I dashed towards Aditi who had left the class after putting her bag on the front bench. I saw her walking towards the railings of the floor and I walked to her and said, “It isn’t what you think. We were just trying to dance; I was teaching her a few steps. “

She just gave me a plain smiling look and said, ‘It’s ok.’

I don’t know whether what I was doing with Sana that day was really with any genuine feeling, apart from momentary attraction, and neither do I know that whether Aditi had really not taken the matter to her heart. Intentions, or no intentions, but in the absence of Aditi I shouldn’t have given up to my momentary vices.

That day I realised one thing, if my friends (including Aditi) had branded me as a flirt they weren’t wrong.