The Diary Of A Teenager: Part 22 – An Indelible Day

The worst part of being branded as a flirt is that your every actions seems to emit a dark cloud of charges and suspicion, even when your intentions are nowhere close to perimeter of flirting with someone.

It was a beautiful Wednesday morning, with light lusty winds blowing through the clouded sky. Sitting near the window seat of my school bus, I wished, if it would rain. If I could see Aditi slightly wet in her uniform, with her beautiful black hair wet from the downpour. By the time we reached the school gate the winds had certainly listened to me and it started to drizzle. It was really beautiful. The leaves of the trees around the school were dripping; the roads were carpeted with yellow petals of the kanikonna flower and pale old leaves that the winds had arranged as though it were to welcome her; for I could not imagine none other appropriate than her to be welcomed as such.

It has been a week since I have been having small-small constant tiffs with Sana. However, if you ask me we shared a love-hate relationship. May be, ‘hate’ is too extreme, but yes, ‘dislike’ won’t be a bad replacement. People often ask me what I felt for Sana, or what she felt for me. The only answer I have for them is that sometimes some relations are better if not named. No denial that she is a friend but sometimes there have been times when I felt that she was attracted to me; and most of the time she suspected that I felt for her.

Sana has always acted as ‘Princess Sana’; always filled with vanity. It irked me whenever I saw her getting too obsessed with herself. But I have to admit, she wasn’t the only girl in my school who had this annoying habit. As you go up the ladder of the ‘Best’ schools in New Delhi, you would find that around a good majority of the girls in the higher secondary level would be no different from Sana.

Sana was always a great friend to play prank on. I loved to tease her. As I had already mentioned earlier, the school was filled with rumours that ‘me and Sana are going around; or at least we both secretly wanted it to happen.’ Neither me, nor she, was happy about this. My friends always told me that they had seen those vibes from her whenever she was talking to me. They used to say that Sana never accepted defeats in front of anyone, except me. I always brushed it off calling it mere coincidence.

I had a classmate called Bhuvan. He was the one who introduced me to the basics of voyeurism; in fact, for many of us in the class he was the one who first narrated the story of an adult film. He, if the rumours are to be believed, had proposed Sana in 8^th grade; but Sana refused the ‘offer’. I wonder why people call it an offer. The word ‘offer’ somehow I feel gives this beautiful feeling a corporate connotation. Anyways moving on…

Bhuvan even had once asked me if I really had any feelings for Sana. The relation (I always thought it to be) between Aditi and me was something that people thought was unidirectional. People thought I was stalking her, and she was just being sweet to me, just ‘coz she didn’t want to lose a friend. I told him that I wasn’t attracted to Sana.

It had been a week since I had last seen Aditi. She was on a leave. And since it was a strict no-no to call her when she is at home, until she had given the permission…I had no other option, but to wait for a communication from her side.

I and Navjyot were waiting in the empty class for all the others to arrive. It was when it happened.

Sana entered the class with her dripping, slightly curly hair. As she passed by us, her fragrance filled my nostrils. I looked at Navjyot, he gave me a big oh-my- god-she’s-hot kind of look. She was really in a very good mood that day, perhaps the effect of the romantic weather. As she passed me, I stretched my hand to her and asked her for a dance. I didn’t realise why I did that, but somewhere, I wanted to do that.

There’s this very befuddling comfort level we share that though, we (me and Sana), both hate to admit existed from a very long time. Sana didn’t refuse; she moved closer to me. It was different, unplanned. I never wanted Sana to be the girl I first hold in my arms. It has always been that special one I always dreamed about.

Navjyot slowly got up from his place and closed the door, but didn’t lock it to avoid any sort of suspicion.  May be, he would not have been willingly agreeing to my actions; but he always had stood beside me, even when he could have easily avoided being a part of.

I tried to get my hands on her hips, my heart started to pound at a faster pace. Something in me said it wasn’t the right thing to do. On the other hand, it was like a love-story moment, I wanted to hold her. I was confused, seeing my slightly pale face and trembling hands, Sana mocked, “You are nervous like a girl!”

Her mocking was sort of an encouragement for me, breaking away the tug of war. I placed my hands on her hips and softly held her right hand with my left. She didn’t show any sort of discomfort that I had predicted, and placed her hands on my shoulder.  I had danced with girls in parties, with hardly any romance brimming in your heart, it was always plain fun. But this was different; I don’t know whether it was romance, love, lust or whatever, but yes I wanted to move but my legs were glued to the damn floor.

I took a deep breath and held her a bit more tightly and as I was about to move, the door opened with a thud. The voice made us jolt and we moved away with awkward expressions. But when I looked at the door, to my horror, the awkwardness was about to turn into embarrassment and repent. Aditi stood at the door with a confused look on her face.

I dashed towards Aditi who had left the class after putting her bag on the front bench. I saw her walking towards the railings of the floor and I walked to her and said, “It isn’t what you think. We were just trying to dance; I was teaching her a few steps. “

She just gave me a plain smiling look and said, ‘It’s ok.’

I don’t know whether what I was doing with Sana that day was really with any genuine feeling, apart from momentary attraction, and neither do I know that whether Aditi had really not taken the matter to her heart. Intentions, or no intentions, but in the absence of Aditi I shouldn’t have given up to my momentary vices.

That day I realised one thing, if my friends (including Aditi) had branded me as a flirt they weren’t wrong.

The Diary Of A Teenager: Part 21 – Angles In Disguise

This is the 21st part of my blog series -The Diary Of Teenager. If you haven’t read the previous parts then go ahead they are all here….

In case, you wish to receive notification about the new posts/parts in the series just send in a mail to ssupreeth@live.com. A reply will be assured.

_________________Angles In Disguise________________________

Being a novice to such kinds of pleasures, my pulse was already running in the nineties. My voyeuristic pleasure got a heavy jolt when my computer started flashing a message.

“You are requested to close down this adult website” – by Administrator.

I felt small, unmannered. My throat went dry. I coughed a few times and closed the application. The cafe owner was of my dad’s age; it was as if my dad had caught me red-handed. The embarrassment forced me quit the place in hurry. Albeit, it was later that I was informed that the computer was installed with internet nanny!

The best part of commuting through the school bus is the fact that you reach the school even before the classes have been opened for the day. I was alone in the class and this normally would incite a mischievous side of mine. Aditi had a fixed seat; second last seat in the first row. I took a piece of chalk and wrote on her bench: Did you get my mail? And smiled in excitement when she gave me a nod of ‘yes’ after she read it.

People tell me that I had turned a bit shy those days, especially in her company. Not that I made circles with my feet when she was around, but there was a conspicuous smile that trumpeted my feelings about her.  I still don’t know whether that was true or not; may be the theory that love can never be hidden holds true in my case. The only problem was that I just didn’t know then that whether it was mere a crush, infatuation, attraction or love.

Navjyot and I had cut off from the rest of the group. I don’t know may be this didn’t go well with my friends like Sana. The fights between us were more frequent and harsher, seldom ending with her watery eyes. The topics were silly and our statements sillier. But I didn’t care about that. It was as if my world encircled Aditi. I wanted to spend my whole day sitting behind her. I loved looking at her long streaks of black hair. I loathed those days when I had to sit in front of her or in the adjacent row.

In my life friends have always showed me the celestial signals; signs that always helped me find my way. That day, our English teacher delegated me and Aditi to prepare some charts for an upcoming literary event.  It was games period (sports period) and the class was relatively empty. By the end of April, sports’ ground normally seemed like a barren, parched piece of land, habituated only by the sports crazy dudes and love birds.

I didn’t want to move her from her comfort zone so, I shifted to her row. I never had been so shy around girls. But Aditi was different; I couldn’t even sit with her on the same bench! (There are two reasons for this – one was definitely the height issue and the second was the awkward shyness). So I persuaded Navjyot and Kritika to give us company.

The things most close to your eyes are always blurred. In my zest to build up my love life, I never noticed that though Navjyot had said that he feels for Kritika, he never even once talked to her on this issue.  I had been cracking silly jokes with her and all Navjyot as doing was smile and talk occasionally.

It had been nearly forty minutes of my wonderful time. The zodiac dragons (our boy’s gang which encompassed of 12 horribly naughty guys, including me and Navjyot) had a while back entered the class and obviously how could they have not teased me!

They started off with some very cheesy Bollywood numbers like Hum tum ek kamre main band ho … and followed it with a list that made me blush with embarrassment. As I had done the same to many of them when they were caught snuggling with their chicks, the best I could do was to smile and blush. And I would have kept smiling, till they stopped, ‘if’ I wouldn’t have seen Aditi wiping a tear off her cheek.

“That’s it. What’s the problem with you guys? It’s fine if you want to tease someone….but there’s a limit to everything. If you can’t get the girl you desire (I paused because even I hadn’t got my girl, yet)…you are mere jack asses… you can’t just keep on…doing your shitty business even when the situation is getting worse….Manners….Respect a lady!”

I was breathing heavily, my eyes were bloodshot with anger and my hands were trembling. I don’t know whether it was due to sudden outburst of anger or the fear that each of the 10 dragons was at least twice my size.  I turned around to see Aditi, hoping that she might have stopped crying. Navjyot was standing behind me with his hands on my shoulder.

I took the charts from her and moved to a different row with Navjyot, mumbling a shooting a few occasional curses at the dragons. Suddenly the dragons surrounded me and they hushed scores of ‘sorry’ to me. I wasn’t satisfied, because it was never about how I felt. It was always how bad she felt; how hurt she was.

“I don’t have any issues with you guys. I never felt bad… but what about her? She is the one who got hurt by your actions…so apologise to her, and not me. I have no right to forgive you guys. “I fumed.

I had never ever considered the dragons to be very close friends of me. My list never went past the names of a few which obviously included Navjyot. But that day when I made them feel that I was disappointed by them, they did something which, perhaps, I would have never done for them. They went to Aditi and apologised one by one. At first, she responded with a customary “I’m fine”.  But they never stopped and kept on saying sorry again and again, with their frequency of voices getting louder with each sorry, till they saw her smile.

As they saw Aditi’s face brightening with a feeble smile, they turned to me and said in chorus, “See, she forgave us…buddy we made your girl smile!”

And that’s when I really felt that no matter how unimportant ‘friends’ they were for me, they were angels in disguise. Not only did they made her smile, but they also called her ‘my girl’; something that lit up my face as well.

The Diary Of A Teenager: Part 20- Vices Of Blossoming Youth

Hi…This is the 20th part of my blog series The Diary Of A  Teenager. If you havent read the previous parts …go ahead…they are all here.

In case, you wish to receive notification about the new posts/parts in the series just send in a mail to ssupreeth@live.com. A reply will be assured.

________________ Vices Of Blossomng Youth ___________________

In our life when we encounter something that we never expected to happen, we often try to rewind and replay the moment in loop to preview it from a third man perspective. The words in the small slip of paper were straight forward and simple, yet, I still wanted to re-read it. My sense had slowly started to betray me. It felt as if the world was playing an embarrassing joke with me.

“Your answer….is 50-50.” The words kept recoiling through my mind. The only word that helped me to stabilize the adrenalin rush was ‘50-50’. I kept telling myself, ‘she hasn’t said yes yet. Though, she hasn’t declined the possibility as well.’

I wanted to share my moment of joy with my best friend, my buddy Navjyot. But somehow, every time I picked up the receiver, I simply couldn’t dial his number. Something in me told me that I had done something wrong; my heart called me a betrayer.

In the bright period of teenage, the first crush is often the most serious one. One for which you may try to do whatever that’s in your reach, and also what’s not; just to please your crush. Aditi seemed to hail from affluent family. She had all the traits of an upper middleclass business family girl. I had a pre-loaded list of these ‘traits’- long height, good looks, fluent accented English and the most important one, crave for English movies.

Certainly, now thinking about the list I pretty well know it was not only stupid, but highly kiddish!

As you migrate over to a school much elevated than your previous one, over the time, you tend to develop an inferiority complex. May be that’s why, even before I could assess and ascertain her feelings for me, I had started to make a list of things on which we I thought we were not compatible; or in other words, I was inferior to her.

Computer was one such thing. Though, internet had invaded India in the early 1996, even after 4 years, I still had no idea about how to send an email. But Aditi, she was fully trained. She even had an email id! Since, calling her was a strict no-no for all her male friends, the only mode of communication left was internet and personal meetings. But as vacations were hovering over my possible first love chances, I had to be computer (internet) literate in those fifteen days only.

But even if I would have succeeded in my attempt to be net savvy, I had to first lay my hands on her email address. It was a tricky business to ask it directly from her, so I gave her my slam book, hoping that she wouldn’t utilize the space for email address to showcase her humor sense. Thankfully she didn’t. So my next immediate mission was to attain my primary objective, to be tech savvy.

Science speaks the universal language. Sperms never ask for directions and that is why only one in millions sent on the mission to fertilize, actually succeed. Perhaps that is why even men/ boys try their best not to ask for directions or help, even amidst deep shit. And since, I too was no different it took me three hours and eight attempts to learn how to email. But then, I didn’t learn only that. At first I kept forgetting my email id and password. Then, I kept confusing between whether to place www before the address or not. And what this cc and bcc meant. If it wasn’t for the good Samaritan- internet café owner, I wouldn’t have taken me at least a couple of more attempts.

Though it took me some time learning the art of surfing, once I was through with the initial glitches, I adapted quickly to the new found mode of entertainment. Internet is known for two things; one is infotainment and other is pornography.

Ask any grown up what he/she learns first in a new language. The answer every time is swearwords. And ask any teenager what the first ten sites they surfed in the initial days of web browsing, there are always a couple of porn sites.

There is a very strange psychological problem attached with these types of pornographic pleasures. The first time you are into it, you are filled with anxiety, fear, disgust and disbelief. It makes you so uncomfortable in the environment that you start feeling that everyone around you seems to be looking at you with suspicious eyes.

I still remember the first time I surfed a very well known BABA site. At first it took me a brief moment to assure myself that it was normal ‘to have a look’. After all, I was paying 25 bucks for an hour. But then, a silly feeling, like I was doing something wrong, crept back in. My hands started to tremble, I started sweating. I peeped over my screen, the owner of the café was outside, and two children opposite my system were busy in some sort of game. Finally, I managed to type www.****baba .com, and pressed enter.

As the page header loaded with some very graphic images, forcing me to gasp my breath in an “uggh…what-the-hell-is-she-doing?” feeling, the tension in my mind kept on growing. The internet connection was pretty slow, or may be I was feeling so disgustingly excited that I felt the connection was slow. Anyways, voices started echoing through my mind- what a shame Harshit…what a shame- but my youthful desire and the silly alibi of resource utilization (fully utilize the leftover time from my three hours surfing card) overpowered me.

Suddenly the voice in head was replaced with some very strange painful moans of a woman. That is when I came back to my senses, thankfully, only I could hear the voice as it emanated from the headphones I had put on a while back. Finally the page was fully loaded and I was shocked to see a message that blinked hard on my screen….

To be continued….

The Diary Of A Teenager: Part 19 – The Statistical Love

This is the 19th part of my blog series The Diary Of A Teenager. If you havent read the previous parts…then go ahead…they are all here!

_____________ The Statistical Love________________
The vacations were just a fortnight away and I was still frozen at the same place were I had started. May 2nd was the day when I, finally, freed myself from the entanglements of love dilemma. It had been exactly 21 days since we (Aditi, me and Navjyot) had become friends. Remembering dates isn’t the exclusive right of the female class. That’s the only alibi- no matter how absurd it may seem- I have to present in my defence. May be guys do turn a bit feminine when they fall head over heals over someone.

When the day started I had almost left the hope of a second round of proposing. I left it on the mercy of destiny. I thought, let the destiny decide whether I should do this or not. That day, I was me. Plain: devoid of style; an average school goer.

Love is like a black-hole; attracts you the most when you approach it. And as you are gravitated to its core, you just know you are being engulfed into something you have never witnessed before. Something so full of darkness to blind you, yet, you immerse in its pleasure.

Destiny runs away from those who run behind them and strikes like a lightning when you least expect it to. I had almost made up my mind to drop the idea of proposing Aditi. After all, we would have made a weird couple. I would have been a disgraceful partner. My words would have taken days to reach her ears. I was standing at the corridor when it happened. I was wont to linger around in the corridor observing people, and that’s when I overheard a joker from other section gesturing at Aditi, telling his friends that he likes her.

Suddenly my pulse started to race. Questions started making rapid exist-entries my mind. What if he proposes and she accepts? What would I do, how will I react if suddenly she would start spending more time with someone else? What if someone would become closer to her than me? The only solution to calm down was to tell her about my feelings, as soon as possible.

Born cowards always boast of their adventures; just like I did. But as they approach the finish line they drop dead a few inches away. I finally convinced Kritika to tell Aditi that I wanted to talk to her about my feelings and she indeed did her job as expected. It went off much smoother than expected.

I was sitting opposite Aditi in an empty classroom and devoid of any romance and grace I said, “Aditi I like you….a lot…and I know…you wouldn’t have thought about me in that way…and therefore, I think….I shouldn’t wait for your reply…and I am in no haste…take your time. I am sorry… are you mad at me…you haven’t spoken a word since we…”

‘How can I? You seem to have rehearsed my replies as well,’ she said with a smile. ‘As you said I haven’t given it a thought yet and need time. I hope you understand that. Lets be friends till then. Is that fine?’ she continued.
“Perfect with me; but just one thing….will you seriously give it a thought?” She just nodded in affirmation.

I couldn’t believe what had just happened. The odds of hearing a yes was almost nil in my mind. I was short, skeletonic and a perceived flirt. Not that she was the school hottie or anything, but she was indeed the girl I had dreamt about all my life. That is may be why her answer, be it a rejection, or serendipitous acceptance, was important for me.

That night I couldn’t sleep. I kept on replaying the happenings in loop. My heart beats occasionally raced, halted and then raced whenever a part of my optimistic self overpowered my pragmatic side. “What if she really liked me? Well, signs do favour this odd as well, otherwise, why did she smiled when I told her about it? Shalee smiled, she liked me; now Aditi smiled, may be she has some undetermined feelings for me.” I thought. I wanted to hear her answer, pretty damn quick.

I was desperate to know her reply. But a man sticks to his words. She had asked for time, so I did give her time…till next morning! The world’s fast today and decisions have to be taken quickly; and 24 hours isn’t such a small period to assess pros-n-cons of a decision. After all 24 hours means 1440 minutes, 86400 seconds!

Next day I went over to her seat. Kritika understood the signal, and swiftly disappeared from the scene to leave both of us alone. After a small starting trouble I quickly moved to the topic: her answer.

“See, I know you might need more time. But try to understand, I need the answer to soothe my heartbeat, its racing at hell speed.” I was acting childish I know, but I couldn’t help it. May be as they say, a man in love is a child trapped in a mature body. “At least I need a hint, a hope….”

As my maths sir used to say stats and maths govern the universe. At that time I didn’t know I had imbibed that quote deep inside my mind. At least not to this extent, and that I will use it as a love measuring meter. “Okay just tell me in percentage.”

‘Oh c’mon you must be kidding! ….. You aren’t? You’re serious? God! How stupid can you more get?’ her face was filled with disgust, surprise, and I am pretty sure her brain had been busy answering many questions. I could guess one of them: Is he stupid, or just plainly anxious?

After a minute or so I came back to my senses and walked off back to my seat. Navjyot looked at me and said, ‘didn’t work out, huh?’ My relation with Navjyot had grown so deep that we didn’t need words, expressions were just fine. Perhaps, that was for good, after all, there were many thank you, apologies, gratitude filled words and secrets that we wanted to, but just couldn’t share verbally.

Class resumed but I just couldn’t concentrate. I felt small, stupid, devastated; I had been the most childish lover in the world. I wished if the world would end that day. Unfortunately the god had more in store for me.

As I sprinted out of the school gate to evade another meeting with Aditi, accompanying Navjyot to his cab, Kritika came dashing towards us and slipped me a small slip of paper quite deftly as she shook my hands. I sensed that she didn’t want Navjyot to see it. But if I could share my feelings with Navjyot about having a crush on his girl, he had all the rights in the world to see what was written in that slip of paper.

My hands started to tremble as I opened that crushed and wet slip of paper. My iris took its time to adjust to the small scribbled letters.

I can’t make out whether you are stupid or whether I am more than you but ……Your answer: 51-50……. I hope you understand!

The Diary Of A Teenager: Part 18 – On Your Marks, Get Set, Doom!

Hi! This is the 18th part of the series – The Diary Of A Teenager…If you haven’t read the previous parts…go ahead they are all here.

_______On Your Marks, Get Set, Doom!________

Mother: a rare species of human who might act deaf to your loudest tantrums but notices every bit of inconspicuous changes in your life. For years I didn’t understood this definition. Not until the day I was about to embark on my first serious relation.

I woke up at five that morning, took a morning shower, that too in cold water; and was ready by six. Too conspicuous to breach my mothers eagle eyes! As I sat for my breakfast at the dining table, she asked me in a teasing tone of hers, “you are having a date today?”

‘Damn, I am busted,’ I thought. But like any other Indian middle-class lad I replied with a big NO …with a sustaining ‘O’. “Then why do you smell like my deo?”
‘Oh………… can’t I use it. I……I just tried it…that’s it…nothing special about it,’ I stammered throughout my reply. This tête-à-tête with mom cracked open the little remaining self-confidence that was left in me. ‘Man…how could I? Why didn’t I notice that it was mom’s deo I had put on?’ I kept cursing myself on the way to school.

My first attempt at proposing a girl wasn’t very successful one, and in that nobody cared about the success or failure of my relation. I didn’t had to prove anyone anything there. But here, there was a big monkey on my shoulder. My credibility, my conferred status of being a ‘love guru’, was on stake.

I couldn’t muster courage to go to Aditi and reveal that the mystery man was me (though, I had cast myself in for that role only some weeks back). I sat at my desk and just waived at her, which was very unusual from other days. Navjyot had taken the seat beside me; I was too lost in myself to even notice him.
“Are you going to propose someone?” he asked.
‘Yeah…huh? No…why?’
“So is it your birthday?”
‘NO…Navjyot just cut it out…tell me what’s the problem yaar?’
“You smell like a deo store. And it smells like a feminine one. Where did you get that?”
It was an ugly day for me. The fragrance hadn’t faded even in an hour or so. Damn these lasting deo’s.
‘Shit! Do I? … … … help me out mate.’ I almost pleaded.
“Well. The only thing that can counter this fragrance is… SWEAT. Let’s go to the ground and play soccer for a while.”
‘Are you sure? I don’t think that I should do that. And I am not in the team. They won’t allow me to play.’
“Hey don’t worry about that. I am in the team and besides, the selections are going on.”
‘Fine, then lets go.’

I was a lousy soccer player in my locality. The school playfield was full of boys of all sizes- tall and well built, tall and slim, tall and athletic; and I looked like a toddler among them, small in length as well as, in breadth. Coach wasn’t amused seeing me there, but he couldn’t deny me a chance; for everyone deserved a chance, even a bozo like me.

“Line up guys,” he shouted. Since Navjyot was already in the team, he was standing with his team mates. “Those who are here for the selections will take three rounds of this ground- non-stop. And hear this clearly- NO SHORTCUTS.”

I was panting like a dog by the end of third round, which reminded me about the day in my ex-school when we boys had to cover the whole ground squat-walking. Following the sprint, the coach made two teams out of the wannabe-players and made us play a 30 minute game.

By the end of it…I was smelly like a horse! In the vigour of playing, I forgot the real reason which had compelled me to be on the ground. I went over to Navjyot and stood with him as I tried to catch my breath.

“Now you smell terrible! Ough! Why do you over do things?” he said.
‘What am I gonna do now? I thought I would propose Aditi today.’
“Oh ….” He thought for a second. “I will be right back.”
‘Hey… Navjyot…where are you going?’ I said.

He ran over to Eshank and returned back with a deodorant. Fortunately, this time it was a men’s deo. Eshank was one of the coolest hunks of our school. He had style, charisma, Karizma (the hero Honda bike!), had many girls drooling behind him and was my classmate as well. But he couldn’t steal the girls who drooled behind me, for the simple reason that there were none!

In the whole first half of the day I couldn’t talk to Aditi, which was funny because till I got to know about my attraction towards her, talking to her was a piece of cake. Perhaps, that was the biggest change hindering me from confessing my feelings for her. Finally, I went to Kritika and told her about my feelings for Aditi. She stood there listening to me with I-knew-it expressions on her face.

Love isn’t everyone’s game. Even someone who had been conferred an epithet of being the ‘guru’ of Loveology, could face a tough time dealing with his own proposals. If you ask any girl what are the three most romantic things according to them, then, their answers would be: romantic songs, romantic dates, and poetry!

Of the list, the only thing I was sure I could do was – singing. But unfortunately, within the couple of week’s friendship I had almost exhausted my whole available list. Romantic dates weren’t possible because of lack of courage and strict home-reaching deadlines!

The last one, i.e. poetry – I had never tried my hand on this one. So the best solution in such times is….plagiarism. Lately, I had become a huge fan of Backstreet Boyz (mainly because she used to love English music). I lifted the lyrics of their famous number ‘As Long As You Love Me,’ as I understood it. I tore a piece of paper and wrote the lines:

“All the loneliness has always been a friend of mine,
I am leaving my life in you hands,
People say I am crazy in your love and blind
Listing it all in a claim,
How you got to plan this
Is a mystery I can’t get you out of my head.”

The bad news is- the lyrics though were hardly correct, she recognised the song. And she hated the wrong lyrics I wrote. So….she put it where it exactly belonged to…..TRASH.

By the end of the day, the synopsis of the day was my first real attempt went terribly wrong. The day was a disaster. The only thing that could be seen with a shade of optimism was – I was chosen for the team!

The Dairy Of Teenager: Part 17 – Twist in tale

Hi guys this is the seventeenth part of my blog series The Diary Of A Teenager. If you haven’t read the previous parts …go ahead they are all here…

 

_________Twist in Tale________

You can always make and remake plans for yourself, but when you make plans for others you have to consider various factors. Life gave me ample of opportunities to learn business management in different ways. Helping Navjyot in his mission was one such free lesson.  I had planned to surprise Aditi with bouquet of roses, a packet of heart shaped chocolates and a few good cards with some lifted poetry from the world wide web. What I forgot was that my client was a pauper! Due to financial crunches we (read I) were forced to redraft the plan and just settle for words…after all they were the only free thing available in plenty!

 

So for three days I gave her vague clues about the looks, feelings, the first time he saw her, and finally, a concocted story about a photograph of hers that he always keeps in his wallet. Girls love to dream about the mystery man who loves them. Everyday she tried to control her curiosity, her urge to ask more about the guy, but ended up asking more and more about the guy

 

My journey of life has never been through the smooth roads. I have always loved the twist and turns it threw in to disrupt my smooth ride. Just as all my moves were hitting the bulls-eye; suddenly the twist was thrown in again. The sight of the moon slowly faded, as I fell asleep thinking about the future moves about Aditi and Navjyot. I slowly crept into a dream I have been seeing since I first heard about love. In a beautiful moonlight night, I see my grown up self sitting at a table lit with scented candles. As I fill the glasses with red wine, a beautiful lady in a red dress with long hair takes the seat opposite mine.  As I hold her hands and take the ring to propose her …..I see Aditi smiling in the red dress. The dream is suddenly broken by the loud ring on my land-phone.

 “Hi, Navjyot here”

‘Huh! What happened anything urgent to call so late in the night?’ I asked.

 “I think …I have a deeper crush for Kritika,” said Navjyot.

‘What? You nuts or what? You only told me you like Aditi…didn’t ya? Now what the hell happened suddenly? I was about to reveal about your feeling to her tomorrow. ’

 

The conversation continued, but everything seemed to have changed over night. On one side I was confused about the dream I had. Before that day, I had never seen the face of the girl in that dream. What I didn’t realize till then was that, from the past couple of weeks I have been thinking about Aditi more than I had ever even thought about Shalee. I fought myself. I even discussed it with my best friend, my sister. My sis finally made me realize that unconsciously I had a crush on her….I had developed feelings for Aditi or may be something more grave and serious.

 

The fact that I in the due course of my plan of developing her feelings towards Navjyot I had faltered and fell for her, made me more uncomfortable to sit with them. For once I thought to finish this all together, by telling her the truth. But things had messed up for me….this unnoticed feeling for her…didn’t allow me to tell her the truth; for I didn’t want to lose her forever.

 

I needed to divert my attention form Aditi and the best next option available (opportunity cost) was Sana. In the few weeks in school I had befriended Sana and her friend Ridhi. I started to spend more time with them and Navjyot started making efforts to woo Kritika. Thankfully, I played no role in his new venture. Aditi, me and Navjyot were still friends and used to chat at least once in a day…but our favorite topic- the mystery guy was never pulled in for a discussion. Navjyot in the mean time had become a very close friend of mine, in fact the best friend. I was immersed in deep thinking for many days and finally I decided to play by the moment. Since, Navjyot had backed out in the last minute and my sudden attraction didn’t seem to fade away, I finally decided to proceed with my crush on Aditi.

 

The class had already started to spread rumors about me and Sana, and obviously this didn’t go down well with her. Sana is a person who always loves to be the leader in a relation, so she came to verbal tussle thinking that I won’t retaliate. But her calculation went amiss when she had to face my ire built up from the frustrations of the confused attraction, the dilemma to choose between a friend and his ex-to-be-proposed-girlfriend.

 

Sometimes the greatest war is often fought within you. And no matter what you do you end up losing. That’s what called a Catch 22 situation. There are certain decisions that when you make them seem to be the best one at the moment. However, in the long run they prove as a fatal mistake. My decision to profess my attraction to Aditi was one such grave mistake.

The Diary Of A Teenager: Part 16 – Mission Navjyot’s Crush

This is the 16^th part of the series – The Diary Of A Teenager…If you haven’t read the previous parts…go ahead they are all here.

_______Mission Navjyot’s Crush_________

There are times when you curse yourself for being smart in some arenas of life. Women though say they hardly care about the glamour & money aspects while choosing a partner, it’s a universal truth that it’s all bogus. Women do look at the glamour quotient and money power of their candidates. Yup I said ‘candidates’ because, in India, every smart girl approximately receives at least three offers within the same season. And during the time vacations get nearer, the rate often goes up. Bookings start early. Guys with not-so-great looks line up to try their luck in the beginning of academic every session. But others with money, fame and glamour have the whole year to jump into the race.

Navjyot was from the former league. I knew that his chances of being rewarded were very bleak, but all my reasons faced a deaf ear from him. we have seen that the most beautiful girl often roams around with the least hot guy from her list…may be that was why I still had some hope left for Navjyot.

“Getting a girl isn’t as easy as it seems. You can’t just simply go up to her and say, ‘hey girl I love you!’ So it will take some time…at least a week or so.” I said.

‘Fine, go ahead…anything you say.’ He said almost jumping in excitement.

“Man! What’s with this excitement thing? Keep it down. You are not an adolescent going for a ride at appu ghar. Ok? ….what’s the name of the girl sitting with her?”

‘Kritika…but it’s Aditi who I like,’ he replied

“Shut up and just follow me.” I know I was very rude with him. But there was no other way I could react then. It was my first mission in this school. My first experience was terrible (which of course I could tell this excited lad), and I knew this one was also going to be a big failure. But there was something inside me that was trying to tell me that this might turn totally different to what I expect. May be the girl might really like the surd, I assured myself and walked towards Kritika.

Rule one of proposing a girl: no matter what girls say…never approach a girl directly with a proposal. The best person to meet is her best friend. If the best friend permits you to proceed…go ahead…otherwise mate…you probably might have to face a lot of embarrassment. I knew that Kritika was the more social one than Aditi. As Kritika stood in the corridor, I waited till Aditi left her alone for a fraction of second. And just as she did…I clinched the chance. Obviously, my sudden urge to talk to and befriend her did raise some suspicion in her mind. I could sense that while chit-chatting with her.

Rule two: Girls love mysteries. They feel more superior and intellectual when they feel they can read other people’s mind. Here, Kritika would have felt the same. In fact, what she didn’t know was that she was playing a stupid role in a drama written and directed by me; and that, it was my necessity to make her feel more intellectual. Finally I acted as I have been caught red-handed. “I am sorry Kritika, you were right. This isn’t just about befriending you…I mean… I am sorry for wasting your time …but see …the problem is that… one of my friends has a serious crush on your friend Aditi. And I just wanted to know whether she is engaged or what? And since you are her friend…I don’t have any trustworthy source, other than you.”

She hit me with the most expected question: “it’s you, isn’t it?”

“No,” I replied. “It’s my friend …seriously….just introduce us with her…I will do the rest… and ya, please don’t tell her about this.”

Standing at the door, Aditi was busy talking with Sana. In the meantime, I asked Kritika about Aditi’s history… that is from where she did her schooling, where she lived before… and most importantly… whether she has a brother or sister. This is the most important question because, if the girl you have a crush on has any younger brother or sister, then before you convey your feelings to her, try to win over her younger siblings. If she has an elder sister, it’s always better to be polite and portray I-am-a-good-guy character in front of her and her friends. Worst case scenario, she has an elder brother that too a tough one! Fortunately, Aditi was the only child of her parents.

We positioned ourselves at the seat just in front of theirs and started talking with Kritika again. Aditi came and sat beside her with a customary smile. This was the first time I actually had a good look at her. She was around 5’7, tall with really long legs, thick long black hair and black eyes. It’s really funny to see how guys just take minutes to scrutinize and register the whole anatomy of a girl.

Kritika whispered something in her ears and Aditi’s face lit up. I was now damn sure that she had spilled the beans and that it was time to act faster. Of course, I was afraid about Navjyot, as I hadn’t prepared him for this bit. Finally I broke the news to her.

“See Aditi… I know it’s awkward, but one of my close friends has a huge crush on you…but…I have assured him that I won’t disclose his identity, until I know he’s safe.”

‘Safe? I am not going to break his head or something. Is that you?’ she could hardly stop giggling, but she tried to be as serious as she could be.

“Safe means….that there’s ….at least a small chance of him getting approved and dating you!”

‘How can I say that … I hardly know that guy.’

“Well, you are right…so… you interested in knowing, who he is? I mean … why should I tell you if you are not open for any relation?”

‘I don’t know whether I am ready or not…I have never faced this situation before. I need time to think.’

“Take your time. Throughout this week, I will give you hints about this guy…but …but I won’t answer any of your questions. See you later girls…have a nice day. ”

Navjyot quietly followed me with a puzzled look. I didn’t expect anything else from him either. Rather I was thankful that he didn’t spoil it. I looked at him and said, “The trap has been laid, but the game has just begun!!”

The Diary Of A Teenager: Part 15 – Harshit The Love Guru!

This is the 15^th part of my blog series…The Diary Of A Teenager. If you haven’t read the other parts …go on…. They are all here.

_________ Harshit ‘the love guru!’ _________

When you expect the least that is when god listens to your wishes. In my case he had heard just when I had lost all hopes. It took me sometime to navigate my way to my new class. Whenever classes are assigned the students book either the first or the last seats first. Fortunately, my favourite middle seat on the second row was empty.

Karan too was assigned the same class, so I was somewhat relieved to have someone whom I know in my class. As I bent down to pick up my history text book a pair of legs stopped just in front of my eyes. ‘Great sight, but get up Harshit,’ I thought. As I got up I was quite surprised to find the auditorium girl standing in front of me.

“You harshit?” she asked.

‘Ya… why?’ I responded.

‘well, yesterday was your birthday. So won’t you be celebrating with us?’ she said in her chirpy voice.

“Oh sure I would love to. But how did you know?” I asked. Well that was a very valid and sensible question from my side. As I was no Tom Cruise so that people would remember my birthday.

‘It’s in the register. I was just entering the personal information details of the all the students of our class when I came across yours,’ she replied in a matter-of-fact way.

“Hey whats your name?” I asked.

‘Sana.’ And she walked back. That was the last line of that day’s conversation between me and her.

The days went by. The sands of time slowly eroded the aches of the breaking bonds from my previous school. Me, Nabi-buba and his brother met each other everyday during the lunch time. My old friend Vishak had suddenly started ignoring us. I still don’t know why. I still remember the day when I and Navi went to meet him and he didn’t invite us inside. Instead he asked us to stay at the gate and came to meet us there. We were hurt but decide that we were enough for each other. Since then we also never responded to Vishak’s calls.

I had become accustomed to the new school and then there was Sana who was really good distraction from the problems. Everyday I sat exactly two seats behind her in the opposite row.  That always gave me a good  view of her. Slowly I started making friends with boys of the class. Initially I felt that some of them were snobs… but soon on befriending them those preconceptions faded away.

I was in library when I was handed over the membership card by a tall girl. At that time I was busy looking for Sana hence didn’t notice this girl. As she handed me the card I said thanks miss… (She smiled and walked away before I completed my words)…giraffe. Gosh what will people like me do if god keeps on producing girls of this height, I wondered.

Within a weeks period I had earned good reputation among the boys for my good communication skills; especially when it came to talking to girls. Good looks and good communication skills are a rare combination. At least I had good communication skills, if not killer looks. I hadn’t noticed my popularity until the boys started to come to me for relationship advices. Thank god they didn’t know about my first brave attempt in love. Anyways I never bothered to tell them.

It was a rainy Wednesday, when one of my classmates, a sardar, came to me. Though he had been in the class from the very beginning, the truth was that I never noticed him. He was an inch shorter than me but had better physique. Mom had packed sandwiches for lunch. I hate sandwiches…especially the one made my mom. she puts a lot of butter; and I hate butter!

‘Hey Harshit. I am Navjyot. I hope you know,’ he started the conversation as he got seated on the bench just beside mine.

“Ya sure, I do know you.” Well… I couldn’t say I didn’t know him. That would have been too insulting.

‘Mate you got to help me out. I know only you can help me. People say you are the love guru and master of tricks. Please will you help me?’

“Hey slow down. Tell me what’s the problem?”

‘There’s this girl in our class on who I have a crush… a very serious one indeed. And I need your help in wooing her.’

“You think I am Will Smith? Is this some kind of a joke? Dude if you like her go proceed…how can I help you?”

‘I am sorry but see I have never spoken to this girl or any girl about this matter. I can’t do it alone. Please please….you got to help me. You already know this girl. I saw you talking with her. Please just this time…I will do whatever you say.’

Well his you-know-that-girl-part interested me the most. “Okay I will. But who is this girl?”

‘Her name is Aditi. There’s she.’ He pointed out to two girls sitting on the last bench near the windows, busy chit-chatting.

“Who among them? The one sitting near the window?” I asked.

‘No the other one. The one who is taller.’

“You mean Miss Giraffe? Man she is not taller, she is the tallest!”

His choice forced me to think: Why do guys always yearn for a girl that is WAY above their reach…in this case literally!

The Diary Of A Teenager: Part 14 – Beginning or End?

This is the 14^th part of my blog series…The Diary Of A Teenager. If you haven’t read the previous parts …go ahead… They are all here….

_______Beginning or End?________

As I told you, I was the most outdated-fashion follower. While my schoolmates had ditched the conventional norms of uniform, replacing them with sport shoes, partially in-shirted attire, trendy accessories and hairstyle, I was still following school-boy style: oiled two parted hairstyle, proper black schools shoes and on top of those awfully looking 6^th grader bags.

But as they say looks are deceptive. This would be exactly what the girls in my class would have thought after the initial hour of meeting me. Though I looked someone who was born dressed to a geek and teacher’s pet, I wasn’t very innocent. The girl who commented on Karan came to me and asked my name. Then she went back told the other girls. A few seconds later the girl sitting next to her came to me and asked my name. I replied without hesitation. Then another girl came and this kept going on till almost all of them had asked my name. By then it was starting to get on my nerves. The lid finally blew off when the girl who had first asked my name again approached my seat.

“Heya… what’s your name?” she asked.

“Well… is your knee hurting?” I asked

“No, why?” she replied.

“Well you have been straining your brain too much trying to figure out my name. Can’t you remember it…I told you only a few minutes back. Girl, believe me I am no dumbo to play with. Ok? Now get back to your seat.”

“That was harsh…..but we loved it. She needed that!” said Karan.

“Fuck off Karan.” She said and walked back to her seat.

“Whoa that was something! I guess I ruined my chances of harmony with girls of my class. Huh?” I said.

“Nope the like those who respond. Otherwise you would have become their prey. Let me tell you a secret…girls are born to be hunted…and they love being hunted more than hunting. I mean which girl would like to befriend a pappu?”

Just as we were starting to gel up a teacher in her mid forties entered the class and announced us to assemble in the auditorium for reshuffling the sections. We picked our bags and moved towards the auditorium. Believe it or not according to some of my classmates I learned that the auditorium was being built from past ten years… though it seemed the work had began only a few weeks back! I wonder what the heck they did with the Rs 21000/- they charged my parents as building fund. There are around 1200 students in the school so even if I calculate Rs 15,000 per head on an average the total building fund won’t be any less than 1.8 Crore! That’s way too much for constructing a dumb structure like that. It was nothing more than a cemented structure of bricks and concrete…nothing else…not even a single piece of timber.

As we gathered in the auditorium, we were made to line up. As they announced the names and sections, the students had to move on to their new assigned class. As I stood their waiting for my turn, my eyes traced to find someone…I didn’t know who… till I saw her. Standing 5’3, fair with brownish black hair and cute specs was a girl with her friend who was a bit taller. I kept looking at her as the sunlight breaking in through the ventilators kissed her cheeks and for a second somewhere my heart wished if she could land up in my class. That way I had a better chance of befriending her. I must have been looking at her from a long time…and then … she suddenly looked towards me and gave a weird what-the-hell look.

‘Harshit…….Harshit …’ a loud voice kept disturbing my concentration.

“Yes. What?” I screamed back in a sudden reaction. The whole auditorium broke into a laugh. That’s when I realised my teacher had announced my name 5 times before I reacted in such idiotic manner.

“Oh…hmmm I am sorry…I mean…present mam”

“Harshit…you day dreaming or what? Section 9^th G,” the teacher on the stage spoke in an angry tone.

“May be this was the end of all. There are 9 sections. She could be in any of them. And probably she might have noticed me looking and brooding over her, so Harsh…you idiot there’s not even an iota of chance that she might befriend you. Forget it.” I spoke to myself, walking towards my new class on the second floor.

The Diary Of Teenager: part 13 – Life moves on…

This is the 13th part of my blog series…The Diary Of A Teenager….If you haven’t read the earlier parts….go ahead they are all here…..

_______________Life moves on______________

Quickly getting over a recent break up is the prerogative of boys. That’s the real truth that was somewhere submerged in my heart after what I saw that day. I never spoke to Shalee again. She did try to talk to me several times that day, but I avoided any possible conversation. Later I came to know that she had rejected Rohit’s proposal. But that wasn’t of any interest to me, I was hell pissed off!

Exams went off like usual. Some hits, some misses. One thing that I learned from the experience of giving exams was – no matter what time management says and how perfectly you master it, every student (like me) attempts most of the question in the last hour. The last minute, when the teacher snatches the paper, is the time when we really get to know how to crack the most scoring and difficult sums.

The whole holidays went in day dreaming the new school and I hardly spent time thinking about Shalee. April 6^th was the day I stepped to this new, bigger, better school life. The building was twice that of my old school. I don’t know whether my old school was small or whether this one was big, anyways it seemed big. Navendu, another classmate from my old school and his brother had taken admission in the same school. I preferred to call him nabi-buba or sometimes nabi. Dressed in the light brown check shirt with mud brown trousers we felt smart. Actually it was just the craze of wearing a new uniform. After all, our old uniform was not very different from the government school uniform.

Nabi and I felt a bit embarrassed and got all excited at the same time on seeing beautiful (sexy was a bad word for us) girls and short skirts. At the end we both recorded a new lesson of life: the bigger the school the shorter the skirts become. Life was finally turning interesting. We were allotted different classes, and I was pretty happy about it. Not that I disliked his company, but I have always felt that there should be some distance in relations, otherwise they get spoiled were quickly.

Enter class:

When I gave the entrance, we sat in well furnished room. This was a sub-standard one compared to that. I saw a vacant seat in the second row besides an unnoticeably ordinary looking guy was sitting. It did take five minutes to break the ice and I somehow wasn’t the one who initiated.

“Hi. I am Karan; and you?” he asked.

‘Hmm ya. I am harshit’, I replied.

“So… you new? You seem to be.”

‘Well yes I am. And you?’

“Me too,” he replied with a smile.

After a few minutes a cute guy with specs came and introduced himself as Gaurav Rustogi. He was a guy with whom you automatically get friendly. As he spoke to me, one of the girls sitting in the last row commented – ‘Leave him yaar! he’s neither a girl, nor does he seem like a gay.’

Gay? Gosh another forbidden word from the list. These girls do not belong to the species I have till now been dealing with, I thought. But even they didnt know what I was….after all looks are deceptive!! Girls if that is what you want then I am game!!